Special Mom’s blog

So what is anxiety? Running inside a moving train is a classic example.

When my son was a toddler his speech was significantly delayed and our only concern was his motor speech. As he grew we learnt that was not his only problem. He had severe anxiety along with obsessive compulsive disorder that really disrupted his life.

I am not going to talk about his anxiety but about mine. We humans love to plan. We plan so much our future including our next day to our retirement that we forget sometimes to live in the present 😀.

We made an epic road trip last week. Ever since we got home, I have been sleeping so well. My Mom who is here still with me was surprised and in fact worried why I was sleeping so much. Deep reflection, I think my anxiety is at an all time low. It was around March the mega event was planned by my Guru, and from that day on it was like should we go or not, and then if we go how do we get there? Then should I take my boy or not, if so what are the options. Then when the trip was finalized, I was like how am I going to execute it. I was sleeping but moving around shopping for tiny things and just dreading. During the trip, I barely slept just worrying my boy would leave the hotel room in the middle of the night. So when I came home, everything was done. I slept and I am still sleeping at any point of the day. That is when I realized my anxiety was gone and that I was able to fall asleep and wake up fresh.

The entire experience was really an eye opener for me. I could relate the same experience with so many incidents in my life. Yes, I do worry about my special one’s future but I have accepted his diagnosis and I do not loose my sleep over it . But I have lost sleep over so many other small things. Unlike my boy who needs pills to curb down his anxiety, with experience I know I can shut off my brain and go to sleep and rest myself. I could have done that during the trip or while we were planning the trip. As I look back at the pictures and videos of the event, I would have enjoyed them more in the present if I had rested myself.

Over the years, we have found causes for my son’s anxiety and tried to solve his issues. Maybe it is time, his Dad and Mom’s anxiety issues need to be addressed too so my special boy can have a wonderful future.

Here are some pictures and YouTube link of the mega event that I attended. (Just to show off the magnitude of the event. Finding myself and my younger one on the floor is like a needle in the haystack.)

Final thoughts! Will I attend another event like this, that requires so much prep work. I promised my husband that I will not commit myself. But if I do work on my anxiety then maybe I will do ones in a smaller scale. But as of now just enjoying my relaxed time off.