So we had guests yesterday. A dining table surrounded by people in their fifties, sixties and seventies. So what was the topic of discussion about. Just retirement, finances, health issues and of course old age homes. To add to that topic was me discussing my special one’s future, his group home thoughts and his medical conditions. We did not discuss opera, poetry or musicals which would have been more fun but we did have lot of fun and laughter over what we discussed. Elated over my gift bag of seeds I received from my guest.

Just an observation

Today I wanted to take my son to the pool. We usually go in the morning before lunch but things did not work out properly and I had to leave after lunch. In fact I thought my son would not want to go and I decided to take a nap, when he decided it was time to go out. So with a sleepy and tired attitude I drove to the pool.

The indoor pool was closed and the outdoor was open. It was a warm day but my mood was not in it to enjoy. My son decided he wanted a snack from the vending machine. I had to play Russian roulette with all my credit cards before one of them was accepted and he ended up with a chip packet. So as he sat in a bench and had his snack, I started observing people. That really helped me come from my nappy mood to observation mood. Our school district is open but the pool was crowded. I was curious. I noticed most of them were little kids or preschoolers who were enjoying their time in the water.

Tiny little ones with floating accessories, not so little ones trying to stay afloat on their own and Mommies, Daddies and grandparents trying to manage these little ones. Soon my son got settled in the water and I took a chair and I could let go of my son as he played alone in the water as I had my me time of watching people. There was one old couple, the wife so loving to her husband. A casual talk said, her husband had dementia and that they were married for fifty three years. She walked her husband to the water as they wet their foot. A young Dad played with his toddler which made the tiny one laugh so much and her Mom even more and there was even a young pregnant Mom who was enjoying the sun. Soon my son came out of the water and it was time to go home. As we got into the car, my car thermometer read 90 degrees. I remembered a blog that I wrote about a cold week in February. How fast time flies. We are ending summer soon.

I am glad that I was able to get an hour outside . We live in our own world and our own problems. An hour outside just watching people was a prescription for me.


So what is anxiety? Running inside a moving train is a classic example.

When my son was a toddler his speech was significantly delayed and our only concern was his motor speech. As he grew we learnt that was not his only problem. He had severe anxiety along with obsessive compulsive disorder that really disrupted his life.

I am not going to talk about his anxiety but about mine. We humans love to plan. We plan so much our future including our next day to our retirement that we forget sometimes to live in the present 😀.

We made an epic road trip last week. Ever since we got home, I have been sleeping so well. My Mom who is here still with me was surprised and in fact worried why I was sleeping so much. Deep reflection, I think my anxiety is at an all time low. It was around March the mega event was planned by my Guru, and from that day on it was like should we go or not, and then if we go how do we get there? Then should I take my boy or not, if so what are the options. Then when the trip was finalized, I was like how am I going to execute it. I was sleeping but moving around shopping for tiny things and just dreading. During the trip, I barely slept just worrying my boy would leave the hotel room in the middle of the night. So when I came home, everything was done. I slept and I am still sleeping at any point of the day. That is when I realized my anxiety was gone and that I was able to fall asleep and wake up fresh.

The entire experience was really an eye opener for me. I could relate the same experience with so many incidents in my life. Yes, I do worry about my special one’s future but I have accepted his diagnosis and I do not loose my sleep over it . But I have lost sleep over so many other small things. Unlike my boy who needs pills to curb down his anxiety, with experience I know I can shut off my brain and go to sleep and rest myself. I could have done that during the trip or while we were planning the trip. As I look back at the pictures and videos of the event, I would have enjoyed them more in the present if I had rested myself.

Over the years, we have found causes for my son’s anxiety and tried to solve his issues. Maybe it is time, his Dad and Mom’s anxiety issues need to be addressed too so my special boy can have a wonderful future.

Here are some pictures and YouTube link of the mega event that I attended. (Just to show off the magnitude of the event. Finding myself and my younger one on the floor is like a needle in the haystack.)

Final thoughts! Will I attend another event like this, that requires so much prep work. I promised my husband that I will not commit myself. But if I do work on my anxiety then maybe I will do ones in a smaller scale. But as of now just enjoying my relaxed time off.

My Road Trip

During Bloganuary prompts in January there were two prompts. One, who was my inspiration and the other what was the road trip I would like to take.

Amazing as it happens I did take a surprise road trip last week to Dallas from Pittsburgh to celebrate the person who inspired me. Long before the pandemic I had started memorizing the Holy Bhagavad Gita. To mark my Guru’s 80th Birthday a massive gathering of nearly 2000 people assembled at the Allen Event Center in Texas to chant the Holy Text. The highlight of the event was The representative for the Guinness World Records presented The Guinness World Record, for the largest simultaneous Hindu Text Recital to my Guru. You can read all about the event here.

Even few months back we were not sure if we could attend the event with all the pandemic protocols when one person suggested why not take a road trip. We had just then taken a road trip to Myrtle Beach and felt that was a much better option with all the airline cancelations and lost baggage.

My son started a new anti anxiety med in June and I think me and my husband should have gone on one too. That is how the trip was making us nervous. It is a 1200 mile trip and 7 night stay. Myself and my younger son had to be at practice sessions and as luck would have it my older one loved Dallas with all the shopping complexes. He enjoyed his Hotel room (woom according to him) and I would give him an A plus though I would fail myself and my husband for the many arguments we had expecting the worst of situations. Nothing bad happened. My son and my husband had to miss the event but looking back I should have gotten them tickets since he enjoyed the event center while we were at practice. So maybe next time we would do it. Dallas is full of Indian restaurants and we celebrated his 25th birthday at a wonderful restaurant.

So what about the drive? We as a family enjoyed crossing so many state borders. The Kentucky race course, Bill Clinton’s library in Arkansas, the Mississippi river in Memphis, Route 66 in Missouri are the experiences that will be in our memory. The many travel plazas we stopped by for snacks and souvenirs cannot be forgotten including the The Choctaw Travel Plaza in the State of Oklahoma which is run by Native Americans.

Traveling with a special person is hard. But I think this was a very good trip for my son who had to adjust himself to so many things. As my Mom(who stayed home and missed him dearly) said as we reached home, oh, he seems to be more verbal and understanding. Hearing those words made me happy since we felt all the hard work for the trip paid off.


I love my religious rituals. I keep blogging about all the Hindu festivals I do but this Friday I performed Varalakshmi Pooja. A prayer invoking Goddess Lakshmi who gives wealth and prosperity. The prayer time is short but the rituals that involve start the previous day and end the next day. So I am busy starting Thursday until Saturday 😊.

As a kid my house did not have this pooja. But my neighbors did. I used to love watching the festivities unfold and the decorations that go along with it . I was even sad we didn’t have it but I would happily participate in our neighbors pooja. I was over joyed when I was told my husband’s family had this and I was looking forward when I will start this festival.

I started this pooja just the same time I knew my son was autistic. No one compelled me to start this yearly ritual. I took it on my own. I think I had no clue about the extent of work that goes with both things 😀😀.

Autistic people have so many rituals and so does this pooja. I have tried to keep as many rituals as possible but have changed some to customize to my autistic household 😊.

My son has his routines and rituals which make him comfortable. Likewise these religious rituals make me happy. My husband calls that my adrenal release😊. Many people complain about the rituals involved in a religious practice. I would say if you are happy do them if not no need! This works for me.

Flower and food offerings.
Lot of prep work no easy task!

Acceptance and Adaptability

Today I saw a couple of people wearing masks and glasses comfortably. When we all were asked to wear masks, some did it on their own, some were forced and some did not care about it. My brother called me one day and said, it is hard to wear masks and glasses since, the breath fogs up the glasses and it is irritating. ( I just have reading glasses so I did not have a chance to personally experience them in the beginning of pandemic). But soon people found ways to wear masks and glasses and I think that is called acceptance and adaptability.

My special boy has rigid rituals, we sometimes yield to his rituals, but sometimes we put our foot down on those not good rigid ones and he accepts and he too adapts to the new situation.

Life keeps throwing on us so many situations that we need to accept and adapt. Even without our knowledge we keep finding solutions to those hard situations. My Facebook watch feed kept showing videos of the World’s shortest woman Jyoti Amge. I think she is a person who has accepted and adapted herself. I salute her.

Today my blog is just random thoughts about something I saw today. I did not write much last month but I wanted to start August by penning down something that is positive. I am happy I was able to do that before going to bed today.